Can you imagine being put in the driving seat of a car for the first time and being expected to get it from A to B safely? You don't know how the brakes work, or the gears, and you don't have the spacial awareness yet to steer it through gaps without bumping into passing objects.

That's what happens to us with our minds. Our mind is the tool we use for reasoning, thinking, and making decisions as we pass through life, but nobody teaches us how to use it. We don't know how to keep it safe, or how to stop it becoming overloaded and suffering from stress or anxiety. Most of us are completely unaware of how to use our minds as a platform to reach to higher understandings,  to cultivate inner awareness and see the bigger picture, the spiritual reality of our life and the lives of those around us.

Levels of Understanding

Ayurveda teaches us that not only are we operating through the mind, but that there are different levels within our mind, and that by developing a basic understanding of them we can learn how to protect ourselves from picking up impressions that will bother us in our dreams and quiet moments or even in our day to day lives when we suddenly feel overwhelmed with anxiety.

Garbage in Stress and Anxiety Out

Protect Your Mind with Healthy Choices

The first step in having a good doorman is to use our intelligence to determine what we're allowing our senses to focus on in the first place. If we want to experience peace inside we need to learn to exercise discrimination outside and that means we need to make good choices in what we're watching, what we're seeing around us, what we're hearing, what we're saying and what we're tasting and eating.

 

It had been a long and busy day and I was beyond tired, but as I pulled the duvet over my shoulder anticipating sleep, I realised that my mind was too wired to let me settle and was about to throw a tantrum.

Anxiety washed over me, and my stomach started to churn. Thoughts started racing around my head like a three year old on a sugar rush and I realised I would be in for a rough night if I didn’t act fast.

Unacceptable Behaviour

While part of my mind thought “Why is this happening again? I haven’t felt like this for ages.” The part I’ve trained to rise above anxiety and take me to a calmer place went into Supernanny mode and declared that this was “unacceptable behaviour”. It had seen this before, it wasn’t impressed, and, best of all, it had a strategy.

I took another deep breath and began chanting my favourite mantra in my mind. Slowly and carefully, giving it my full attention and knowing that this prayer, this place of shelter, would help me feel calm and in control of my mind as it has so many times before. Another breath, another mantra and I could feel the tension draining from my neck and shoulders. My stomach settled and I started to sink down into my bed feeling relaxed and relieved. Two minutes later I was gone…

Waking with a Sense of Victory

The next morning the first thing I remembered was my little victory the night before. I remember so many times when I would get drawn into the anxiety and feel awful for hours. My mind would throw up a horrible thought, or image and then chase after it like a puppy with a slipper. Chewing it over and over again until I would feel like I wanted to run out of my body and escape.

“The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven” John Milton

Our suffering and our pleasures are very much an inside job. Everyone gets anxious from time to time. Everyone gets overloaded, over-stimulated, stressed, worried, or worse. The key to regaining calm is to pick something that helps you rise above disturbing thoughts and practice it often, so that when stress or anxiety strike you can swing into action with full confidence and save yourself from sinking into full blown anxiety.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Don’t Get Into It

Anxiety like this is usually the equivalent of a mental tantrum. Your mind wants your attention, but not in a healthy way. You can’t reason with it, so you need to ignore its outburst and put it in a safe place to calm down.

2. Start Taking Deep Breaths

Take a deep breath in and release it as slowly as you can. And repeat. This tells your body that you are in control. You’ve noticed a problem and you’re dealing with it. No need for any stress hormones to get involved, everything is under control.

3. Play Your Ace

Here you have two options, but you need to pick one quickly and stick with it. If you have a favourite prayer, mantra, or affirmation that you know consistently works for you in helping you to feel calm, or positive - use it now!

Starting repeating it in your mind (or out loud, if you prefer) with care and attention. Keep taking slow deep breaths and repeat your prayer / mantra / affirmation slowly too. Make it a meditation. Become absorbed. This is the perfect antidote to the turmoil your mind is trying to throw up.

Breath and repeat. Breath and repeat. If your mind wanders to darker thoughts, bring it back. Don’t get into the details. Take a deep breath and bring your full attention back to your chosen words of calm.

If you don’t yet have a favourite invocation for calm, you could call in some outside support and have a guided relaxation exercise on an iPod, or MP3 player; if anxiety strikes, all you need to do is click play and follow along as you are guided into a calmer state.

Supernanny is a fantastic model for us in dealing with a wired and worried mind. When toddlers throw tantrums they do it with enormous energy. They can whip up a storm in seconds. She knows how to contain that storm and not get caught up in it. That’s what we need to do with our minds.

In summary, the next time your mind wants to throw a tantrum:

Don’t Get into It. Take slow, deep breaths, and pull out your chosen calming technique. Be careful to give it your full attention, treat it with respect and care and you will feel calmer in minutes.

Finally: Remember to acknowledge your victory, so you can grow your confidence in coping with anxiety and remember what to do next time you hit a rough patch.

Guest Post by: Art Decker

I know I'm not the only person out there who is under a lot of stress. I talk to people every day who are under severe levels of stress. In addition to the recession, many people have their own temporary (they hope) but severe stresses, such as relocating, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, surviving the death of a loved one or the death of a relationship, or coping with medical challenges. And then there are the everyday stresses--the little things that finally end up really getting to us--parenting, budgeting crises, work pressures, an unyielding travel schedule.

Nobody likes to admit that this kind of stress is getting to them. Least of all me! When people who know how crazy my schedule is ask how I am doing, my most common responses are "fine, thanks!," and "hanging in there!" I never reply, "To tell you the truth, I am having a hard time. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate!" Ah, denial. It's more than just a river in Egypt...

Stress Can do Whatever it Wants to Your Body

But my denial could only last for so long before my body decided to tattle on me. I kept having these episodes when my heart would pound and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't think it was a heart attack -- I have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, all those things that are supposed to be low...but I went to see my doctor and asked if what I was experiencing was stress. Her answer was, "Absolutely. Stress can do anything; it can do whatever the hell it wants!" Stress can make it hard for you to sleep (check!) or hard to wake up (double check!). It can make your skin break out in hives (check!). It can completely overthrow the smooth functioning of your digestive system (check). It can even play a role in chronic diseases, especially autoimmune diseases (let's hope mine hasn't gone that far).

One of the quickest and easiest ways to reduce stress is to get yourself mentally organised. Much is written these days about de-cluttering your office, garage and cupboards - but what about your head?

In our house when it's time to clear a space we pick an area and empty it's contents into a heap. The heap then gets divided into smaller heaps that sum up it's destination: send to charity shop, recycle, rubbish, keep. Once you know the rules it's easy to sort every item into it's pile ad then send it where it needs to go.

When it comes to the thoughts in your head you can play the same de-cluttering game by asking yourself one simple question: Can I change or improve this?

It's a simple yes or no question. If your answer is yes, you can start looking at what adjustments you want to make. But if your answer is no, why stress yourself by getting wrapped up in something beyond your control?

Examples of the things you can do nothing about include the weather, political outcomes, taxes, interest rates, the opinions of others etc etc

Everyone knows someone who can make a big deal of ranting about at least one of these areas. Some people take it very personally and get genuinely irate over the decisions and opinions of people they don't know and will probably never meet. And so they rage and fume and cause stress to the family and friends who have to hear of their perceived injustice.

Beware of Control Freak Outs

If you are around people who choose to stress over areas beyond their control you can choose to take a step back. You don't have to listen year after year to the same monologues. You don't have to add the second hand stress of others to your own load. Change the subject, walk away, visit less - you have the right to take care of yourself and your own stress levels. I learned this through a personal health challenge. It takes a lot of nervous energy for me to listen to other people's rants. If I can help them, I'll try. But if I can't, I don't have the energy to spare to get worn down by their drama, so I have learned a few little tricks to step away.

What if it's You That's the Control Freak?

If you can't change something why stress and waste mental energy over it? You'll notice the examples started with the obvious like the weather and then got a bit more subtle like other peoples opinions. There's an old saying that goes "a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still" by all means you can discuss, share and debate, but why bang somebody else over the head with your opinion if they have a different view and it's dear to them. These are just examples, but I think you get the idea that broadening your understanding of the things you can't change means that you can de-clutter your head quickly and keep focused on the areas you can control or influence.

Stephen Covey calls this working within your circle of influence and it's a much more comfortable and effective place to operate from than stressing over things that are totally beyond your control. If you play this head sorting game regularly it will soon become very natural to you and you can rejoice in becoming one of those chilled out lovelies who can go with the flow of life.

Photo by Ana Santos

 

Our emotions become upset when we feel our needs are not met. We may be feeling the need for some quiet time alone, or we may crave company and laughter. We might feel the need to rest but feel too busy to take a break. We might feel unheard, disregarded, or just plain overwhelmed.

Whatever the case, and however you feel, there is a way to acknowledge and honour your feelings without feeding them and allowing them to grow into an all encompassing mass.

These five simple steps provide an opportunity for reflection and personal growth. Your feelings are validated but they are viewed in perspective. A funk might feel all encompassing and the only overriding feeling in your life right now, but there's a part of you that knows it won't be next week, or next year. It's a little thunderstorm, bought about by your own internal weather system. By processing your feelings in a gentle relaxed manner where you take a step back and observe, you can find balance and recover quickly without zapping yourself or someone you love with a bolt of lightning.

1. Name that Feeling

Identify the exact emotion you are feeling right now. Get specific and fill in the blank. "I feel ______." Angry? Sad? Hopeless? Overwhelmed? Pick one descriptive word for how you feel, be specific and then acknowledge your choice. "I feel x."

2. Find where the Feeling Lives

Emotions are thoughts that have distinct physical sensations. Find where the emotion you just identified is making it's presence felt in your body. Your emotions cause the release of powerful chemicals. Your emotions are energy in motion that trigger your body to respond, when you deal with the energy of the emotion you can help it evaporate and help yourself enter into a calmer place of self care and understanding. Find the feeling in your body and sit with it a minute. Take some deep breaths and sit and observe, don't engage with it, just watch and witness.

Allow your attention to feel the sensations in your body and as you do, some of the emotional charge will begin to melt away. Now, as your mind begins to clear, you can start to listen for the message this emotion is carrying.

3. Allow Private Expression

Talk to yourself about how you feel. And listen as if you were listening to a close friend. Take a minute or two to fully express yourself. You could have a dialogue in your mind, or talk to yourself out loud, or write your feelings on paper, or in a journal. Let your full understanding of this emotion or situation come to the surface of your awareness now, and express it fully. 

4. Release with Your Breath

Physical movement is the key to discharging built up stuck nervous energy. For this stage of your processing and releasing this emotion put your full attention on the area where you feel it in your body and begin taking deep active breaths. Breath in strongly through your nose and then sigh out through your mouth. Sit straight and focused and keep breathing into that place where that emotion is held, and as you do begin to feel it loosen, lighten and release. Keep breathing, and keep clearing.

5. Acknowledge and Appreciate

You have just taken valuable steps to healthily process a negative emotion. You've acknowledged and respected your feelings, you've expressed them fully and then released them from your system. Well done. Now it's time to pat yourself on the back and reward yourself. What would make you feel good right now? Pick something uplifting like listening to music, taking a walk, running a warm bath, or sipping a cup of tea. Nourish yourself with a few minutes of self care and make a mental note of what you learned through this process so you can remember to use it again and again as you continue to make healthy choices in balance and growth whatever your day may throw your way.

In conclusion: we all get funky moods, I've just spent a week full of extra obligations that weren't on my to do list. I started the week with a generous heart feeling happy to share and care but as the days rolled by and I spent half a night sitting up in bed with a nasty headache I realised I was getting out of step with myself. Time to stop and re-balance before my mental goop spoils my mood and clouds the space of those I love.

I have a few tools for checking in with myself and getting my head straight, the process I've shared above is a definite favourite. I hope it helps you as it's helped me and I welcome your comments.

 Photo by Beni Ishaque Luthor

 

 

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Anxiety Breathing Exercise: Breathing Calm

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From the press release: Stress Free is the first in a series of iPhone applications and mobile programs from Deepak Chopra. It also represents the first time such a program is being released directly in an interactive mobile format, without first being released in a book. With his new series of personalized mobile applications, Dr. Chopra intends to provide people with the opportunity of making significant life changes by following daily habit-changing exercises on the go and throughout the day.

The new application combines evidence-based psychology research with traditional Vedic principles. The self-guided program walks users through a set of stress-reduction activities and skills. Throughout each step in the program, users are personally coached by Dr. Chopra in a series of activity-specific videos. Activities include self-reflective interactive exercises relating to one's body, self/ego, relationships and emotions, as well as journaling, questionnaires, music therapy, meditations, yoga exercises and personal nutrition tips based on the concepts of Ayurveda.

First Impressions

The first thing that struck me about the Stress Free application was the design - it's beautiful. After a little research I found out it's design by Signal Patterns, the same people that designed the equally lovely looking Gratitude Stream. Signal Patterns are a company that specialise in psychology based mobile applications, so along with their skills in design Stress Free has the feel of being created with care.

Overview

The app features six keys, each one containing a collection of exercises and information to help you develop self awareness and relax.

Key 1: Find Your True Identity

Key 2: Live the Present

Key 3: Use Your Body for Feedback

Key 4: Find Invincibility

Key 5: Rid Yourself of Toxins

Key 6: Practice the Law of Attraction

Stress Free features videos and audio of Dr. Chopra who leads the user through a series of journaling exercises, guided meditations, music therapy and yoga exercises.

When you start working through your first key you are asked to provide your email address, Stress Free then begins sending you daily emails with an inspirational quote from Deepak and an overview of your progress through the exercises. The message also reminds you of any goals you have set and offers links to video guides on a couple of yoga routines and breathing exercises.

Summary:

Deepak Chopra's Stress Free application is beautifully designed and packed with thought provoking exercises and information. With exercises like the sleep meditation, breath meditation, and using your body for feedback, Stress Free offers good value for money and a rich variety of ways to fit some introspection and relaxation into your day.

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Life can be stressful and lonely as we rush from place to place and task to task. During periods of downtime due to ill health I learned that connecting with people who inspire me via the internet was helpful when I couldn't get out and connect face to face.

As I worked on my own recovery I took to blogging to share what I've learned through my own studies and experiences. My desire with Living by Design was to reach out to anyone struggling with anxiety or adversity and encourage them to remember that in every moment we have the chance to choose how and who we want to be.

Inspired by Probloggers recent invite to "Create Your Own Bloggers to Watch List" here's my quick review of some of my favourite bloggers that I recommend looking out for in 2010...

 

Stuff happens. We get sick, we get stuck in traffic, we have problems at work. Some days the scales are tipped in the apparent favour of disaster and we are challenged to remain buoyant and productive. If we’re already feeling a dash of self pity it’s easy to let negativity flourish and spread into areas of our life where it really has no place. From there it’s a slippery slope to wallowing in a pity party or a finger pointing festival where everyone else gets the blame.

So how do you keep afloat when “bad stuff” clouds your horizon? One of the most useful things I’ve learned (and I’m not saying I’ve 100% mastered it yet) is the art of boxing and processing.

Guest article by Adrienne Carlson of accelerated online degree.org

When we’re little children, we can hardly wait to grow older; this is because our parents and other adults seem to be leading lives that are more fulfilling than ours; we think that they get to do all the cool stuff while our lives are controlled by them. But only as we really grow older do we realize that an adult’s world is not as good as it seems when you look through the eyes of a child. It is filled with responsibilities, most of which involve a certain amount of stress and anxiety. In fact, the stress factor creeps in to our lives when we begin school, and the older we get, the more significant it becomes.